Muzzie Claus In Manhattan

Breaking News !!! Breaking News !!!

Cracker News Broadcasting Corp - The OTHER CNBC

Dateline : N.Y.C. Dec. 22 , 2012

C.N.B.C. has an exclusive story from the world of entertainment for you today. The beloved American Kracker Icon who has been strangely silent for months now Richard " Kinky " Friedman is back. Mr. Friedman announced today that he will be sponsoring a very special Holiday Concert as part of his " Friday Night Rockin' With The Soldiers Of Allah Concerts And Pig Roasts " . This particular concert will be a mutli-cultural and inter - faith event celebrating Christmas , Ramadan , Chanukah and New Years Day . As always the entertainment line up will be top rate and will feature Kinky's 1960 's era now reformed ,thanks to Muzzie stupidity , band The Texas Jewboys and that dynamic and ever explosive band once from Damascus , Syria but since their conversion to Christianity and defection to , America One Way Ticket. Yes yes we are as shocked as you are that One Way Ticket will be appearing considering the recent Fatwa against them. Apparently The Soldiers Of Allah do not see the humor in these guys making tons of money with Mr. Friedman's company Crusader Records. CNBC asked Mr. Friedman about this and he replied thusly ' These guys are a freaking gold mine. I never let any other considerations get in the way of business. I assure you that I protect my investments with the best security possible. One Way Ticket have the best Mossad Agents in the world protecting them. Do not be overly concerned about their safety.' This spectacular event titled " Muzzie Claus In Manhattan " will take place on Dec. 29 , 2012 in the streets surrounding The Cordoba Center in N.Y.C. it will have the block party atmosphere that Mr. Friedman's concerts have become famous for. As a good faith gesture Mr. Friedman will be offering the following door prizes to any Muzzie that has the sense of humor and courage to claim them appropriately.

1. To any Muzzie that comes dressed as Muzzie Claus 50 lbs of Jimmy Dean sausage ,and a date with a Lady U.S. Marine.

2. To the best Muzzie Claus as voted on by the Christian audience members. a tour of Christian Holy sites in Israel escorted by volunteers from the I.D.F. , a Holy Bible { King James Version } a complete DVD collection of the Rev. Terry Jones works and a copy of Salman Rushdie's new book " The Fraud Of Holocast Denial " and a copy of every new " One Way Ticket " CD or DVD for life.

3. To the first 100 Muzzies that come dressed as Santa's Elves free dinner at Mr. Friedman's restaurant " Porkapalooza".

4. To the Muzzie with the best Santa's Elf Costume as chosen by Rachel , Santa's only female Messianic Zionist Elf , a personal visit to his family from Santa Claus who will be bearing gifts for this Muzzie's children including the latest fashions in suicide bomber attire and a scholarship to Jihadi University when the young lad or lass's time comes.

The local chapter of The Anti - Defamation League voicing support of Mr. Friedman's attempt to build bridges with other cultures and faiths will be supplying free bagels with cream cheese and lox for all. The Council On Islamic American relations as usual will not be supporting this event in any way shape manner or form, quite to the contrary actually . CAIR has threatened any infidel who insults Islam in this way with public beheading.Some things never change, Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment. So sue us if you must !! The entertainment line - up as usual for a Kinky event will be first rate and include the following guests.

Sandi Patty from Idiana , U.S.A. will open the festivities with her classice rendition of " The Star Spangled Banner.

Kinky Friedman and The Texas Jewboys from Texas , U.S.A. with their smash hit " We Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore "

Mohammed's Curse from Tel Aviv Israel performing " Hava Nagila " and " Exodus "

Fatima Daoud and The Blue Dress Ladies from Beirut , Lebanon performing an always popular exhibition of belly dancing

One Way Ticket the always dynamic and explosive band formerly from Damascus , Syria performing their signature hit " Fire !! I Bring You To Burn " and their new smash hit " Three Days Late " At the conclusion of their set " One Way Ticket " will be signing Bibles for any fellow Christians that request it. Kinky is a freaking business genius. Yes yes we know yet another editorial comment. Would you like us to refer you to an attorney?

The 72 Virgins Heavenly Choir formerly from Tehran , Iran performing " It's Shouting Time In Heaven " These Ladies with Kinky's help recently converted to Judaism and now hail from Jerusalem , Israel. The Iranian Mullahs are said to be furious with Kinky and are on the verge of issuing yet another Fatwa against him. Kinky responded to that threat by signing The 72 Virgins Heavenly Choir to his recording label Crusader Records. God Kinky has BIG brass balls !!!

Admit it guys wouldn't you like to get a peek at what's under those burqas?

Song Sai Quan and The Shenyang Soul Shakers from Shenyang , Liaoning Province .China performing " Jingle Bells "

Allison Durham Speer from Tennessee , America performing " Divine Love"

Hu Ho Qi and his Guangzhou Gangsters Of God from The Pearl River Baptist Church in Gaungzhou , China performing " Silent Night " in Chinese and English.

Karen Peck and New River from Georgia , America performing " Big Change "

Dai " Diva " Du and her Sisters And Brother Of Hope from Shenyang , Lioaning Province , China performing the Chinese Christian Hymn " China Has Hope " in Chinese and English.

Hiram " Hick " Hincklestein and his Haifa Hillbillies from Haifa , Israel performing a medley of Jewgras Chanuka favorites.

The Gaither Vocal Band will close the evening's festivities with " Let Freedom Ring " There are unconfirmed reports that Snoop Dogg and The Village People will also appear. CNBC fully expects this rumor to come to fruition. Snoop Dogg and The Village people haven't let Kinky down yet. We at CNBC can't wait until Dec. 29. This promises as usual with a Kinky Friedman staged production to be a spectacular evening. We look forward to seeing you all there Merry Christmas Muzzies

Please do remember to discard your litter properly since we have been informed by Karen " Cracker " Hopkins Director of The Cracker Intelligence Agency that The Confused Man - Children of Philadelphia A.K.A. The New Black Panther Party will have their " Litter Police " on the scene in order to try to claim that The Great and Mighty Cracker Nation is committing a racist litter crime against The Noble Panther And Other People of Color of America.