Breaking News !!! Breaking News !!!
Cracker New Broadcasting Corp. - The OTHER CNBC
Dateline : Pocatello , Id. Dec. 20 , 2012
Police in Pocatello , Idaho are on the scene of a grisly murder. At 5:00 A.M. this morning they received a call from a local jogger that had the extremely unpleasant experience of discovering a dismembered body along one of the hiking trails in Sacajawea Park. He notified police immediately.
The unfortunate deceased man has been identified as one Mr. Forrest " Frosty " T. Snowman.
Detective Greg Boyd the Lead Investigator of this case released the following statement. " In my thirty years of law enforcement experience this is the most vicious crime I've seen. Evidence indicates that Mr. Snowman was tortured before he was killed by means of flash melting. In the snow near Mr. Snowman's body written in yellow snow were the words " For Jango " Mr. Snowman's body parts were scattered over a twenty foot radius. About one mile from the crime scene our investigators found a hair dryer and a wanted poster of George Zimmerman tossed into the woods. In what may turn out to be an unrelated incident four Melanin Enhanced men were caught on security cameras having a hissy fit while eating at the local Denny's.One of them was heard seriously berating a young Cracker waitress for being out of chocolate chips thusly precluding his desire for chocolate chip pancakes. ' Why is it that you have strawberry pancakes , banana pancakes and pineapple pancakes but no chocolate chip pancakes.This is yet another vile racist plot against The Noble Panther People fomented by the C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers. This Food Discrimination must stop. My people need food of color.' The young Cracker waitress summoning up calm beyond her years cancelled the men's orders and brought them all a serving of Apple Brown Betty. Apparently they did not see the humor in her actions. lol As they left in a huff they were heard to threaten the young Cracker Lady thusly : ' We'll be back soon and we'll have some Panthers from ' Da Hood with us. ' At this point some of our local Crackers stood up and drew their guns to protect the young Cracker Lady. ' Do call a few days in advance so I can stock up on chocolate chips ' the young Lady said as they beat the bricks out of town. Taking all the evidence found at the scene and this seemingly unrelated incident into account we have a few Persons Of Interest that we'd like to speak to one of whom we are very suspicious of being Mr. Snowman's murderer and possibly the mastermind of a terrorist anti - Cracker gang preying on Cracker Snowmans. We ask the public's help in apprehending these gentlemen. If you see any of these loathsome individuals please call the local authorities at 1-800-fuk-rev-jessy.Pleased do remember that these gentlemen are unarmed with intelligence and are to be considered stupid and dangerous. Do NOT approach them looking for intelligent conversation. In closing I'd like to express my condolences to Frosty's family. R.I.P. Frosty we hardly knew ye. I promise that the racist bastard that did this to you will be severely punished. "
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Police in Pocatello , Idaho are on the scene of a grisly murder. At 5:00 A.M. this morning they received a call from a local jogger that had the extremely unpleasant experience of discovering a dismembered body along one of the hiking trails in Sacajawea Park. He notified police immediately.
The unfortunate deceased man has been identified as one Mr. Forrest " Frosty " T. Snowman.
Detective Greg Boyd the Lead Investigator of this case released the following statement. " In my thirty years of law enforcement experience this is the most vicious crime I've seen. Evidence indicates that Mr. Snowman was tortured before he was killed by means of flash melting. In the snow near Mr. Snowman's body written in yellow snow were the words " For Jango " Mr. Snowman's body parts were scattered over a twenty foot radius. About one mile from the crime scene our investigators found a hair dryer and a wanted poster of George Zimmerman tossed into the woods. In what may turn out to be an unrelated incident four Melanin Enhanced men were caught on security cameras having a hissy fit while eating at the local Denny's.One of them was heard seriously berating a young Cracker waitress for being out of chocolate chips thusly precluding his desire for chocolate chip pancakes. ' Why is it that you have strawberry pancakes , banana pancakes and pineapple pancakes but no chocolate chip pancakes.This is yet another vile racist plot against The Noble Panther People fomented by the C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers. This Food Discrimination must stop. My people need food of color.' The young Cracker waitress summoning up calm beyond her years cancelled the men's orders and brought them all a serving of Apple Brown Betty. Apparently they did not see the humor in her actions. lol As they left in a huff they were heard to threaten the young Cracker Lady thusly : ' We'll be back soon and we'll have some Panthers from ' Da Hood with us. ' At this point some of our local Crackers stood up and drew their guns to protect the young Cracker Lady. ' Do call a few days in advance so I can stock up on chocolate chips ' the young Lady said as they beat the bricks out of town. Taking all the evidence found at the scene and this seemingly unrelated incident into account we have a few Persons Of Interest that we'd like to speak to one of whom we are very suspicious of being Mr. Snowman's murderer and possibly the mastermind of a terrorist anti - Cracker gang preying on Cracker Snowmans. We ask the public's help in apprehending these gentlemen. If you see any of these loathsome individuals please call the local authorities at 1-800-fuk-rev-jessy.Pleased do remember that these gentlemen are unarmed with intelligence and are to be considered stupid and dangerous. Do NOT approach them looking for intelligent conversation. In closing I'd like to express my condolences to Frosty's family. R.I.P. Frosty we hardly knew ye. I promise that the racist bastard that did this to you will be severely punished. "
R.I.P. Frosty
Rev. Al " Tawana " Sharpton when asked by CNBC for a comment regarding this vicious hate crime responded thusly " Why are you bothering me with this? Can't you see that I'm very busy frameing George Zimmerman. What the Hell do I care if some Idaho Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? The Cracker probably deserved it. Call me when some Brotha flash melts a Cracker Snowman on his way to 7 - 11 for iced tea and skittles. I 'll represent the Brotha for free just to piss off those Idaho Crackers. This is probably a racist plot by them Utah Mesals. They're still pissed about Spike Lee's GPS malfunction in The Utah Incident. "
When asked for a comment regarding this vile hate crime by CNBC Clarence " Trashmouth " Hankins The Director Of Communications for The Confused Man - Children Of Philadelphia , DAMN I always make that mistake , I meant The New Black Panther Party replied thusly : " We don't have Snowmans in Liberia. Fuck Emily Wendy Bustnuttzz. Snowmans are a vile insipid racist plot fomented in the inner cities by The C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers to distract the children of The Noble Panther Nation from their true holiday Kwaanza. I and all Noble Panther People are glad this Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted. The Noble Panther People support the total eradication of all Cracker Snowmans. If those Idaho Cracker Snowmans want to rumble our hairdryers are locked and loaded. We'll rumble with them on all the ski slopes and in every backyard in Idaho. Victory to The Noble Panther Nation. "
When asked for a comment regarding this vile racist hate crime Minister " Calypso " Louis " Farrakhan replied thusly : " What the Hell do I care if some Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? Snowmans are a racist plot fomented in the inner cities by Jews to make young Black folks dependent on White people. This Jew Snowman probably got exactly what he deserved. When the war comes our people will be allied with The Noble Panther Nation. We will assist them in their eradication efforts of these vermin. " Points to " Calypso " Louie for being both predictable and original at the same time. It gets so boring when they all blame the C.I.A. , Rush , George and The Crackers. We at CNBC are a bit confused about how " Calypso " Louie knows that Mr. Snowman is a Jew though. One of Life's Little Mysteries we guess. Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment.
President Obama according to our source " Digger "buried deep within the White House is said to be so distraught over " Frosty's " demise that he's seriously considering taking drastic action. " Digger " informs us that he has asked Michelle to Chair a task force to find solutions to the epidemic of hair dryer violence plaguing America. Shelley was at the hairdressers at the time though. She sent one of her fourty aides to inform her husband that as soon as her beauty appointment was over , she had lunch at McDonalds and checked the current NASCAR news she would consider his request. The President is so angry with Mrs Obama that he plans to fly to Chicago tomorrow to seek solace at The Down Low Club.
The Liberals are reportedly deserting the President on this issue. Our sources inform us that they fear that if hair dryers are banned all illegal immigrant beauticians and nail technicians will flee the country thereby leaving these affluent Liberals only two choices. Hire an American to tend to their beauty needs at greatly increased cost or --- GASP !!! - do it themselves. Barbara Streisand is rumored to be testifying to Congress next week about the deleterious effects of a total hair dryer ban on the American economy.
NOT reporting live from Pocatello , Id. for Cracker Nation News Broadcasting - The OTHER CNBC Jack Frost
Flour to the Krackers !! We SHALL bake !!!
Now go spread your krumbs around Krackers !!
This Kracker has got it right !!
Rev. Al " Tawana " Sharpton when asked by CNBC for a comment regarding this vicious hate crime responded thusly " Why are you bothering me with this? Can't you see that I'm very busy frameing George Zimmerman. What the Hell do I care if some Idaho Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? The Cracker probably deserved it. Call me when some Brotha flash melts a Cracker Snowman on his way to 7 - 11 for iced tea and skittles. I 'll represent the Brotha for free just to piss off those Idaho Crackers. This is probably a racist plot by them Utah Mesals. They're still pissed about Spike Lee's GPS malfunction in The Utah Incident. "
When asked for a comment regarding this vile hate crime by CNBC Clarence " Trashmouth " Hankins The Director Of Communications for The Confused Man - Children Of Philadelphia , DAMN I always make that mistake , I meant The New Black Panther Party replied thusly : " We don't have Snowmans in Liberia. Fuck Emily Wendy Bustnuttzz. Snowmans are a vile insipid racist plot fomented in the inner cities by The C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers to distract the children of The Noble Panther Nation from their true holiday Kwaanza. I and all Noble Panther People are glad this Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted. The Noble Panther People support the total eradication of all Cracker Snowmans. If those Idaho Cracker Snowmans want to rumble our hairdryers are locked and loaded. We'll rumble with them on all the ski slopes and in every backyard in Idaho. Victory to The Noble Panther Nation. "
When asked for a comment regarding this vile racist hate crime Minister " Calypso " Louis " Farrakhan replied thusly : " What the Hell do I care if some Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? Snowmans are a racist plot fomented in the inner cities by Jews to make young Black folks dependent on White people. This Jew Snowman probably got exactly what he deserved. When the war comes our people will be allied with The Noble Panther Nation. We will assist them in their eradication efforts of these vermin. " Points to " Calypso " Louie for being both predictable and original at the same time. It gets so boring when they all blame the C.I.A. , Rush , George and The Crackers. We at CNBC are a bit confused about how " Calypso " Louie knows that Mr. Snowman is a Jew though. One of Life's Little Mysteries we guess. Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment.
President Obama according to our source " Digger "buried deep within the White House is said to be so distraught over " Frosty's " demise that he's seriously considering taking drastic action. " Digger " informs us that he has asked Michelle to Chair a task force to find solutions to the epidemic of hair dryer violence plaguing America. Shelley was at the hairdressers at the time though. She sent one of her fourty aides to inform her husband that as soon as her beauty appointment was over , she had lunch at McDonalds and checked the current NASCAR news she would consider his request. The President is so angry with Mrs Obama that he plans to fly to Chicago tomorrow to seek solace at The Down Low Club.
The Liberals are reportedly deserting the President on this issue. Our sources inform us that they fear that if hair dryers are banned all illegal immigrant beauticians and nail technicians will flee the country thereby leaving these affluent Liberals only two choices. Hire an American to tend to their beauty needs at greatly increased cost or --- GASP !!! - do it themselves. Barbara Streisand is rumored to be testifying to Congress next week about the deleterious effects of a total hair dryer ban on the American economy.
NOT reporting live from Pocatello , Id. for Cracker Nation News Broadcasting - The OTHER CNBC Jack Frost
Flour to the Krackers !! We SHALL bake !!!
Now go spread your krumbs around Krackers !!
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