Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Kracker Barrel Awards : Kwaanza ?? Negro Please !!

Dear Readers :

While the management of The C.I.A. { Crackers In Action } believes that the fact that Mr. Paul Stanner is the most muti - talented Kracker in the Krackerverse is eminently obvious we do recognize that he is not the only talented Kracker in the Krackerverse so consequently we will feature what we feel are deserving efforts by our Kracker Brethern and Sisthren whenever their efforts strike us as worthy of a little recognition. The only reward these Krackers will get from this is a Cracker Salute and what little recognition exposure on this site brings. Hey hey Krackers I don’t want to hear your pissing and moaning we are living on Kracker Krumbs here !! Take the recognition such as it is and be happy.

Today we bring you a strikingly honest article on the state of the Black community written by a young Black woman by the name of Vanessa " Sapphire " Anderson. Vanessa is one of the 32 Black Conservatives in the country and is no shrinking violet when it comes to telling it how it is. She is amazingly talented. Be sure and check out her blog " Following Harriett " You won't be disappointed.

" Kwaanza ?? Negroe Please !!

By Vanessa " Sapphire " Anderson

Kwanzaa is a prime example of the incredulous, buck naked ignorance displayed by a large portion of “African-Americans”.  Too many are too eager to latch on to anything “African” without researching it to find out the origin, or if it’s offensive to their Christian faith;  the faith that most Blacks profess to have.  Kwanzaa is an anti-Christian, fake holiday that was created by a foolish, Black social justicetype, called Maulana Karenga. His real name is not so “African” sounding. It’s Ronald McKinley Everett… yuup, Lil’ Ron-Ron from da hood! 
Ronald Everett was one of those professors of “Africana” Studies, which is the WORST kind of subject material that any educational institution can offer; right along with Chicano Studies,  Women Studies and similar topics!  These subjects are purely meant to indoctrinate! And, of course he was set free to spread his poison throughout California classrooms. 
Mr. Everett founded and celebrated  Kwanzaa in 1966-67. He wanted to establish a “holiday” for Black people (self-segregation)  that was a substitute for Christmas because he felt that Jesus was  psychotic and Christmas was the White man’s holiday, even though Christ isn’t White.  He actually said the words… “Jesus is psychotic.”  When you Christians are lighting up those Kwanzaa candles, did you know that the founder of Kwanzaa felt that way about your Savior? Bet ya didn’t! 
As if his anti-Christian, impious statements and beliefs weren’t bad enough, in 1971, Lil Ron-Ron was sentenced to ten years in prison for felonious assault and false imprisonment. He held two women against their will,  and tortured them by stripping them naked and then beating them with electrical cords; sticking a hotsoldering iron in one of their mouths and placing the iron against the others cheek.  They were beaten with various other objects and while being held down, water mixed with detergent was forced in their mouths through a hose.  Original water boarder?  This is the man whose “holiday” many of you have readily accepted as a connection to and representation of your African heritage.  Everett was not African, but he sure was NUTS… and he had the nerve to call Jesus psychotic? Riiiiight! 
Blacks born in the USA are Americans and therefore, your culture and heritage is Americana.  Our ancestors DESERVE that we acknowledge our American heritage.  After all, they fought and died for our right to be here. Studying the roles that Blacks played in building this country will serve you well and could prevent so many of you from getting punked all the time. Gee!
I have no idea why so many Black people to this day are still trying to identify with Africa. Well, let me tell you something…. Africans don’t identify with Black Americans. They think we are lazy and take our freedoms for granted. The Africans are actually on to something with their opinion… they’re right about some of us.  Yep! 
Acceptance of Kwanzaa without batting an eye, is an example of how so many Blacks in America get  brainwashed. The original intent behind Kwanzaa was to pull Blacks away from Christianity and Christmas. The true history of Kwanzaa  has been revised, reinvented or destroyed, just like the majority of contributions made by Black Americans throughout our history.  It’s easy to distort and destroy history  because many just take what’s presented to them at face value. Many just go with the flow… no questions asked!   The truth will set you free folks. People aren’t so easily brainwashed  and manipulated when they are armed with facts and knowledge. 
Lil Ron-Ron proved that if you paint a pretty enough picture (the values of Kwanzaa) on a worthless canvas (the original destructive intent of Kwanzaa), people will be so mesmerized by the pretty picture that they won’t bother drilling down to check out the foundation. When you Christians celebrate Kwanzaa, you’re practicing paganism… just so you know!!  I’m constantly amazed at how quickly Blacks will yell praise the Lord,  but will push him to the side in a heartbeat for things that are clearly  anti-Christ and causes one to sin. I guess some of you folk will do anything to support the “blackness”.   What…. are…..you…..thinking??!!
Today, Kwanzaa is marketed as the celebration of African American Heritage; celebrating family, culture and community. Seven principals are celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Those seven principals are:

  • Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
  • Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves stand up
  • Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers' and sisters' problems our problems, and to solve them together.
  • Ujamaa (family): The belief in family and general communal understanding.
  • Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
  • Kuumba (Creativity): To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
  • Imani (Faith): To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.
Let’s be real, shall we?  To those of you celebrating Kwanzaa… cut it out! With all this Black on Black crime, a 70% illegitimacy rate, and ran down projects and inner cities, ya’ll are not living this! Posers!
Merry Christmas to the true Christians!  You Kwanzaa pagans need to stop playin’!

 

 



Muzzie Claus In Manhattan

Breaking News !!! Breaking News !!!  
                                      
Cracker News Broadcasting Corp - The OTHER CNBC

 
Dateline : N.Y.C. Dec. 22 , 2012


 C.N.B.C. has an exclusive story from the world of entertainment for you today. The beloved American Kracker Icon who has been strangely silent for months now Richard " Kinky " Friedman is back. Mr. Friedman announced today that he will be sponsoring a very special Holiday Concert as part of his " Friday Night Rockin' With The Soldiers Of Allah Concerts And Pig Roasts " . This particular concert will be a mutli-cultural and inter - faith event celebrating Christmas , Ramadan , Chanukah and New Years Day . As always the entertainment line up will be top rate and will feature Kinky's 1960 's era now reformed ,thanks to Muzzie stupidity , band The Texas Jewboys and that dynamic and ever explosive band once from Damascus , Syria but since their conversion to Christianity and defection to , America One Way Ticket. Yes yes we are as shocked as you are that One Way Ticket will be appearing considering the recent Fatwa against them. Apparently The Soldiers Of Allah do not see the humor in these guys making tons of money with Mr. Friedman's company Crusader Records. CNBC asked Mr. Friedman about this and he replied thusly ' These guys are a freaking gold mine. I never let any other considerations get in the way of business. I assure you that I protect my investments with the best security possible. One Way Ticket have the best Mossad Agents in the world protecting them. Do not be overly concerned about their safety.' This spectacular event titled " Muzzie Claus In Manhattan " will take place on Dec. 29 , 2012 in the streets surrounding The Cordoba Center in N.Y.C. it will have the block party atmosphere that Mr. Friedman's concerts have become famous for. As a good faith gesture Mr. Friedman will be offering the following door prizes to any Muzzie that has the sense of humor and courage to claim them appropriately.


1. To any Muzzie that comes dressed as Muzzie Claus 50 lbs of Jimmy Dean sausage ,and a date with a Lady U.S. Marine.



  2. To the best Muzzie Claus as voted on by the Christian audience members. a tour of Christian Holy sites in Israel escorted by volunteers from the I.D.F. , a Holy Bible { King James Version } a complete DVD collection of the Rev. Terry Jones works and a copy of Salman Rushdie's new book " The Fraud Of Holocast Denial " and a copy of every new " One Way Ticket " CD or DVD for life. 


   3. To the first 100 Muzzies that come dressed as Santa's Elves free dinner at Mr. Friedman's restaurant " Porkapalooza". 


  4. To the Muzzie with the best Santa's Elf Costume as chosen by Rachel , Santa's only female Messianic Zionist Elf , a personal visit to his family from Santa Claus who will be bearing gifts for this Muzzie's children including the latest fashions in suicide bomber attire and a scholarship to Jihadi University when the young lad or lass's time comes.


  The local chapter of The Anti - Defamation League voicing support of Mr. Friedman's attempt to build bridges with other cultures and faiths will be supplying free bagels with cream cheese and lox for all. The Council On Islamic American relations as usual will not be supporting this event in any way shape manner or form, quite to the contrary actually . CAIR has threatened any infidel who insults Islam in this way with public beheading.Some things never change, Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment. So sue us if you must !! The entertainment line - up as usual for a Kinky event will be first rate and include the following guests.



Sandi Patty from Idiana , U.S.A. will open the festivities with her classice rendition of " The Star Spangled Banner.



  Kinky Friedman and The Texas Jewboys from Texas , U.S.A. with their smash hit " We Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore "

 
 Mohammed's Curse from Tel Aviv Israel performing " Hava Nagila " and " Exodus "  


Fatima Daoud and The Blue Dress Ladies from Beirut , Lebanon performing an always popular exhibition of belly dancing 


 One Way Ticket the always dynamic and explosive band formerly from Damascus , Syria performing their signature hit " Fire !! I Bring You To Burn " and their new smash hit " Three Days Late " At the conclusion of their set " One Way Ticket " will be signing Bibles for any fellow Christians that request it. Kinky is a freaking business genius. Yes yes we know yet another editorial comment. Would you like us to refer you to an attorney? 


 The 72 Virgins Heavenly Choir formerly from Tehran , Iran performing " It's Shouting Time In Heaven " These Ladies with Kinky's help recently converted to Judaism and now hail from Jerusalem , Israel. The Iranian Mullahs are said to be furious with Kinky and are on the verge of issuing yet another Fatwa against him. Kinky responded to that threat by signing The 72 Virgins Heavenly Choir to his recording label Crusader Records. God Kinky has BIG brass balls !!! 

Admit it guys wouldn't you like to get a peek at what's under those burqas?

  Song Sai Quan and The Shenyang Soul Shakers from Shenyang , Liaoning Province .China performing " Jingle Bells "  


 Allison Durham Speer from Tennessee , America performing " Divine Love"  


Hu Ho Qi and his Guangzhou Gangsters Of God from The Pearl River Baptist Church in Gaungzhou , China performing " Silent Night " in Chinese and English.




 Karen Peck and New River from Georgia , America performing " Big Change " 

                                        
 Dai " Diva " Du and her Sisters And Brother Of Hope from Shenyang , Lioaning Province , China performing the Chinese Christian Hymn " China Has Hope " in Chinese and English.  



  Hiram " Hick " Hincklestein and his Haifa Hillbillies from Haifa , Israel performing a medley of Jewgras Chanuka favorites.


 The Gaither Vocal Band will close the evening's festivities with " Let Freedom Ring " There are unconfirmed reports that Snoop Dogg and The Village People will also appear. CNBC fully expects this rumor to come to fruition. Snoop Dogg and The Village people haven't let Kinky down yet. We at CNBC can't wait until Dec. 29. This promises as usual with a Kinky Friedman staged production to be a spectacular evening. We look forward to seeing you all there Merry Christmas Muzzies 

 
Please do remember to discard your litter properly since we have been informed by Karen " Cracker " Hopkins Director of The Cracker Intelligence Agency that The Confused Man - Children of Philadelphia A.K.A. The New Black Panther Party will have their " Litter Police " on the scene in order to try to claim that The Great and Mighty Cracker Nation is committing a racist litter crime against The Noble Panther And Other People of Color of America.

 
 Flour to the Krackers !! We SHALL bake !!

Now go spread your Krumbs around Krackers


This Kracker has it right !! lol

 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Trayvonning Revenge : Pocatello , Id.

Breaking News !!! Breaking News !!!


Cracker New Broadcasting Corp. - The OTHER CNBC 

Dateline : Pocatello , Id. Dec. 20 , 2012

 
 Police in Pocatello , Idaho are on the scene of a grisly murder. At 5:00 A.M. this morning they received a call from a local jogger that had the extremely unpleasant experience of discovering a dismembered body along one of the hiking trails in Sacajawea Park. He notified police immediately.
The unfortunate deceased man has been identified as one Mr. Forrest " Frosty " T. Snowman.
Detective Greg Boyd the Lead Investigator of this case released the following statement. " In my thirty years of law enforcement experience this is the most vicious crime I've seen. Evidence indicates that Mr. Snowman was tortured before he was killed by means of flash melting. In the snow near Mr. Snowman's body written in yellow snow were the words " For Jango " Mr. Snowman's body parts were scattered over a twenty foot radius. About one mile from the crime scene our investigators found a hair dryer and a wanted poster of George Zimmerman tossed into the woods. In what may turn out to be an unrelated incident four Melanin Enhanced men were caught on security cameras having a hissy fit while eating at the local Denny's.One of them was heard seriously berating a young Cracker waitress for being out of chocolate chips thusly precluding his desire for chocolate chip pancakes. ' Why is it that you have strawberry pancakes , banana pancakes and pineapple pancakes but no chocolate chip pancakes.This is yet another vile racist plot against The Noble Panther People  fomented by the C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers. This Food Discrimination must stop. My people need food of color.' The young Cracker waitress summoning up calm beyond her years cancelled the men's orders and brought them all a serving of Apple Brown Betty. Apparently they did not see the humor in her actions. lol As they left in a huff they were heard to threaten the young Cracker Lady thusly : ' We'll be back soon and we'll have some Panthers from ' Da Hood with us. ' At this point some of our local Crackers stood up and drew their guns to protect the young Cracker Lady. ' Do call a few days in advance so I can stock up on chocolate chips ' the young Lady said as they beat the bricks out of town. Taking all the evidence found at the scene and this seemingly  unrelated incident into account we have a few  Persons Of Interest that we'd like to speak to one of whom we are very suspicious of being Mr. Snowman's murderer and possibly the mastermind of a terrorist anti - Cracker gang preying on Cracker Snowmans. We ask the public's help in apprehending these gentlemen. If you see any of these loathsome individuals please call the local authorities at 1-800-fuk-rev-jessy.Pleased do remember that these gentlemen are unarmed with intelligence  and are to be considered stupid and dangerous. Do NOT approach them looking for intelligent conversation. In closing I'd like to express my condolences to Frosty's family. R.I.P. Frosty we hardly knew ye. I promise that the racist bastard that did this to you will be severely punished. "





  Quite a Rogues Gallery aren't they ?

 R.I.P. Frosty

 Rev. Al " Tawana " Sharpton when asked by CNBC for a comment regarding this vicious hate crime responded thusly " Why are you bothering me with this? Can't you see that I'm very busy frameing George Zimmerman. What the Hell do I care if some Idaho Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? The Cracker probably deserved it. Call me when some Brotha flash melts a Cracker Snowman on his way to 7 - 11 for iced tea and skittles. I 'll represent the Brotha for free just to piss off those Idaho Crackers. This is probably a racist plot by them Utah Mesals. They're still pissed about Spike Lee's GPS malfunction in The Utah Incident. "


When asked for a comment regarding this vile hate crime by CNBC Clarence " Trashmouth " Hankins The Director Of Communications for The Confused Man - Children Of Philadelphia , DAMN I always make that mistake , I meant The New Black Panther Party replied thusly : " We don't have Snowmans in Liberia. Fuck Emily Wendy Bustnuttzz. Snowmans are a vile insipid racist plot fomented in the inner cities by The C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers to distract the children of The Noble Panther Nation from their true holiday Kwaanza. I and all Noble Panther People are glad this Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted. The Noble Panther People support the total eradication of all Cracker Snowmans. If those Idaho Cracker Snowmans want to rumble our hairdryers are locked and loaded. We'll rumble with them on all the ski slopes and in every backyard in Idaho. Victory to The Noble Panther Nation. "



 When asked for a comment regarding this vile racist hate crime Minister " Calypso " Louis " Farrakhan replied thusly : " What the Hell do I care if some Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? Snowmans are a racist plot fomented in the inner cities by Jews to make young Black folks dependent on White people. This Jew Snowman probably got exactly what he deserved. When the war comes our people will be allied with The Noble Panther Nation. We will assist them in their eradication efforts of these vermin. " Points to " Calypso " Louie for being both predictable and original at the same time. It gets so boring when they all blame the C.I.A. , Rush , George and The Crackers. We at CNBC are a bit confused about how " Calypso " Louie knows that Mr. Snowman is a Jew though. One of Life's Little Mysteries we guess. Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment.


President Obama according to our source " Digger "buried deep within the White House is said to be so distraught over " Frosty's " demise that he's seriously considering taking drastic action. " Digger " informs us that he has asked Michelle to Chair a task force to find solutions to the epidemic of hair dryer violence plaguing America. Shelley was at the hairdressers at the time though. She sent one of her fourty aides to inform her husband that as soon as her beauty appointment was over , she had lunch at McDonalds and checked the current NASCAR news she would consider his request. The President is so angry with Mrs Obama that he plans to fly to Chicago tomorrow to seek solace at The Down Low Club.



The Liberals are reportedly deserting the President on this issue. Our sources inform us that they fear that if hair dryers are banned all illegal immigrant beauticians and nail technicians will flee the country thereby leaving these affluent Liberals only two choices. Hire an American to tend to their beauty needs at greatly increased cost or --- GASP !!! - do it themselves. Barbara Streisand is rumored to be testifying to Congress next week about the deleterious effects of a total hair dryer ban on the American economy.


NOT reporting live from Pocatello , Id. for Cracker Nation News Broadcasting - The OTHER CNBC  Jack Frost

Flour to the Krackers !! We SHALL bake !!! 
 

 Now go spread your krumbs around Krackers !!

 This Kracker has got it right !!